woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
