We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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