Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
