He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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