I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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