My friends, they love my intelligence
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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