watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
