belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
