I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
