The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
