don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
