Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize