hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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