College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
