I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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