I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
