I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
