ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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