we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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