I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
