i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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