I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
