i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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