Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
