I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
