So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
