Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
