It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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