I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
