I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
