im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
