two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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