You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
