He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
