Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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