I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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