Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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