apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
