So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
