So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
