I'm jealous of your bromance
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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