I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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