Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
