can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
