I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
