Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know her cup size but not her name....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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