oh god the rape fog is back!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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