I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Houston, we have a squirter
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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