Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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