shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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