We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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