youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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