I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
