none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize