i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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