i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
