Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how does that bad decision feel?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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