4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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