it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
