pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
