I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
