Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
