I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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