Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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