i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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