you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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