You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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