I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
