i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
