Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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